Letter from a Texas prison

I received this letter from a man who is serving a 27 year sentence in the Texas Criminal Justice system. I offer it here mostly un-edited. It brought me to tears.

Well, I stayed up and finished the book. It really got at me. My mother suffered with depression for years and I didn’t understand, so I made it worse probably. I also have my struggles. and knowing that it is genetically passed on kinda worries me about my kids. None of them will ever really know me. Not to mention that my mom was adopted, and I’ve never known my father, so I’ve no idea how deep in my biological family depression or any genetic diseases may run.

I’ve never told anybody, but I’ve tried to commit suicide before. I ran a hose from the tail pipe of my van into a back window. I woke up with a horrible headache and found that the hose I used had melted and fell away from the pipe. I only got enough fumes to make me pass out for a few hours. I was badly depressed and didn’t know where to turn when I was married to my second wife. She blamed everything on me, and she made me get on meds. The meds made me worse. She said I had anger issues, which in many ways I did. Some of my reactions were uncalled for. Her parents constantly pushed me away from her and my kids, and nothing I said or did mattered to her. That is why I left for Texas.

I have always been a dark person with anger and resentment; that is why I relate to Lyman in the book. The Prozac does help now, and I don’t see myself without it any time soon. Your book helps me to see and to understand a bit more about myself and depression as a whole. Lyman was bull headed and didn’t want help; pushing him only made it worse. Each member of the family noticed but the kids didn’t understand. Eva tried too hard and went at it in the wrong way. She was irritating, and when she did try, Lyman saw her as being a doctor and treating him as a patient.

I understand a lot better now about my mother, my children and myself. I don’t think a person can grasp how much it affects themselves or others; if they really care for the ones who care for them, then they will seek help before it gets too bad.

In the back of the book, you ask whether the story might make suicide more likely.

I don’t think so, no. I think mostly it would make it less likely, because we don’t want to hurt the ones we care for; we just want our own hurt to stop.

Thank you so much for the book.